| wow... |
[Jan. 20th, 2008|03:51 am] |
so if theres an obvious message .... let me know...
other than that... here i go.... |
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| this may be the reason why I can't write songs very good.... (well well) |
[Sep. 29th, 2007|02:22 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Jam Angelo | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Screeching Weasel - Let Go | ] |
well, lets face it... after a solemn friday night and a few glasses of wine, we all get a little bit contemplative... and maybe even nostalgic...
and as I've come to know myself... I've never been one for looking back on the past with any type of regret...
and something calls to me... and I don't know if its as simple as "I wanna see the world.." but something brought me here and keeps me longing for experiencing more and more....
I am, by no stretch of the word, lonely... (although as you're reading, it seems that I just miss home...) because it is great to sit around and experience yourself one on one... and realize who you have become and the people who have made you who you are...
and I am nothing but thankful for all the people who have built me up to the person that I am now... and for people who have recognized all that I have accomplished, as humble as I like to stay... I still know that it is a lot because of how I am viewed by others...
at this point, its all about resumes and criteria... job experience... pay rate... forward movement in this fast-paced society... but at this point..... I recognize all that has brought those things about.. all the little things... the inside jokes..
everyone I have met has made me the person I am today... all of the experiences that I have had flow through my mind and leave me with a deep breath and a smile on my face...
on a side note, speaking in generalities gives GREAT insight into what someone believes about themselves, and sometimes it is used as a cop out.. and sometimes.... it may just be a grammatical error...
I do miss home though... but we all "miss home.." and home is where the heart is and bla bla bla.... and I can take big steps in life no problem..... (pretty bold statement?)... and I like people discovering me... and I like discovering other people for who they are... and I wonder how many people I will meet in the upcoming years throughout my further "growing up..."
in the next few years, we will all realize that we are making choices that will change our entire lives...
and we can go ANYWHERE we want to in this life... the only thing that holds us back is ourselves... and sometimes I wonder why I have to do this alone... and I realize that it is hard enough to have band practice or study groups at a certain time in the week.... let alone coordinate everyones lives to be in the same vicinity during crucial life changes... but I am still eager as all hell to continue on this journey.
I miss my friends... my brothers... my family... not blood... just ... family... people who know me and people who get me ... and people who I get and know just as well... friends who just get it.... there's a reason why we confide in eachother ... and its not because blood isnt enough... its just because we get eachother.... and thats hard to find in this world... and thank God we find it!
and yet something always keep calling us... right?? Some great salvation or group or affiliation.... or some cause.... that causes us to keep searching....
there I go speaking in generalities again....
Something in this world keeps me longing for another place...
Maybe its financial security.... FINALLY haha
Maybe its forming a family of my own.... but the search is painful... how am I to choose??
My philosophy now is a "poker face" mentality... which I feel may have come a little too late...
but the philosophy is a good one I think... you keep your poker face and don't rush into shit with your whole pot...
and you keep your cool and wait for the next obvious, logical steps without running into decisions and betting the whole pot...
but then again... when do you take initiative and just grab what you want in this world....
when do you know you have all the necessary experiences and knowledge to make big decisions... without diving in head first...
pass, fail, graduate, misery, suffering, success, smiles, triumph, brilliance, ideas, day to day, lonely, people, happy, alone, happy...alone... happy....
I guess I could've found a better way to convey all of this... but thats probably the reason I'm not a good songwriter... |
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| shades |
[Feb. 2nd, 2007|01:20 pm] |
I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year -- buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with x-ray eyes
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades |
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| pointless |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|04:09 am] |
so every relationship with a girl is pointless... ive come to realize that...
nice guys finish last... thats for sure... thats not to say we should all be bad guys instead... its just that... searchign for anythign serious is ridiculous... im not in a rush to get married or anything... but giving your heart and actually trying with someone is ridiculous...
any relationship is hard to maintain in this day and age of "soulmates" and bla bla bla
fuck all this bullshit... i used to think you have to go out and start something yourself... trust your instincts.... nope... that doesnt work... then i thought let it come to you... let things happen on their own... trust your instincts.... none of that shit matters.... no girls matter at this point in our lives
nothing can be taken seriously... as much as you want to try... you shouldnt...
laugh at those who try.... and dont ever be hopeful about a relationship.... it will not last.
focus on yourself... and thats it... people have told me that... and i never listened...
i should have. |
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| i miss you journal |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|02:17 am] |
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oh journal, we used to have good times, but now i have forgotten you... someday we will be back to how we used to be... when things were better between you and me... and we made sweet sweet love until dawn every night... kiss me journal |
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| moving sucks |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|12:24 am] |
yeah moving sucks... its the absolute worst thing that anyone should have to.
who the hell gets heat exhaustion
i want this semester to end already!
silly gatsbys youre not just a number, youre also a password and an address... |
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| AAAAAHHHHH |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|07:26 pm] |
i got two tests on monday... what a bummer of a weekend... you won't be seeing much of me until our show sunday night...
then after that i lock myself in the house again and force myself to read
and just a thought... we should get other people to help us promote for the show next friday... have like 10 people walk around and flyer the campus.. that'd be pimp.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|12:23 pm] |
what the hell am i doing for july 4th!?
i have court the day after... at 10 am... how much does that blow...
and i have a test wednesday... i f-in hate being stressed out...
does anybody have any thesis ideas... i need to find a topic and a chair within the next couple of weeks...
something psych related |
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| ok so lifes lookin up... |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|02:07 pm] |
Life is getting a little better for me now.
I just got a job as a research assistant, and I got inducted into PSI CHI Honor Society for Psychology. Now im gonna run for some offices in some other stupid clubs, and hopefully they pick me. All of this is really good exposure for Grad school and I feel like things are looking up for me.
I'm thinking Industrial Organizational Psychology as a career.. it seems interesting and I know that theres money it.. Its the more math oriented part of psychology. I think thats right up my alley... |
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| oh yeah |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|02:36 am] |
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i wanna make enough money when im older so that i can afford to play golf once or twice a week with the full gear and everything... of course... i dont want to make so much money that i actually do :) |
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| im feeling inspired... |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|03:47 pm] |
let me tell you why i suck at life...
I dont know anyone... there is not a single person in my family who can help me out in any way... sure I love them and i care for them and their supportive of me... so what, im still lost... i have nothing...
so where am i going??? I have no idea... no one can really help with that either.. every office at ucf is worthless... all talk, but no real guidance... and it gets old really fast... i hate it here sometimes because i fee like im going nowhere... and its not a day to day thing... i go through weeks at a time thinking that my major is worthless, and that im never gonna get a job... it seems like if i ever did get a job, it would still be the shittiest job in the world anyway.... im so sick of this shit..
how the fuck do i become a good psychologist... wheres the handbook for that?? wheres the track? wheres the fucking credentials im spposed to have??
and how am i supposed to get the creentials??????????? no one will hire me?!?! i have no experience, and theres no way to get any without any... so what do i do?? every time i apply, people see nothing... benjamafuckin lee overstreet is just a great big nobody on paper and it does me no good to fake it...
so what now?? do i just say fuck it and try my best at unconventional ways of getting jobs... to me... conventional (faking resumes and acting like a prick to get a job) seems really fucking unconventional to me...
jesus christ... it would be great if i knew someone!!!! anyone who could throw me a job because they can and i need it... what reason does anyone else need... even with interviews im fucked because of the company owners brothers uncles son who gets the job before me...
give me something god.. im dying down here... i have negative money in my bank account and my truck payment is late... i suck at life...
this is gay |
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| another semester... |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|10:54 am] |
here it comes boys and girls... another semester...
are you ready??? go buy your books and your stupid ass supplies... lets stay in school forever!
errands and such... |
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| pimpin |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|02:14 am] |
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all you mother fuckers come to kyles place for the party,...... its a pimps and hoes parties... you nigtggers .. ha |
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| yo |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|02:04 am] |
its so hard to document everytthing..
q0eds
so...... brian |
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| hello |
[Sep. 10th, 2004|11:38 pm] |
roxy is gay...
and so are clubs
completely and utterly...
i wish so much that so much could see my point of view
but they never will...
becuase they want to take off like a rocket...
like a rollercoaster... what the fuck does that mean???
i understand being free... but nothing at the moment is gonna make you free...
breaking free is taking control of your destiney... your final destiny...
you see... its not about changing your direction in person... going off with someone who makes the moment perfect... but about walking off with pride in your life...
or maybe....
this isnt as hard as it looks...
but still... clubs are gay...
and so...
i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel this way... so what can i do about it?
a total rearrangement of everything i feel???
yeah right
"that was so fun!"
it doesnt mean a much as you think it does...
"no worries... thank you timon and pumba..." -Nemo..... noooooooooo rema.... 1800 621 FEMA....
so what?
the only thing that means is that htere were a bouch of guys staring at your ass thinkming... "damn.. i wish icould fuck her."
fucking....
or maybe... not even dancing... but ...
knowledge.
orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrr.... he was a selfish person.
can you see this?
that youre not that drunjk!!!
but i am!!!!
attention.... why why why???
im awe3some
what is said about you???
and who turns you on??? |
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| good night |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|06:10 am] |
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treedres, discodres, airconditionerdres, dirtdres, grassdres, homedres, laughdres, smiledres, teethdres, jumpdres, pimpdres, chettadres, packagedres, niggadres, iandres, listdres, funnydres, amydres, kimmydres, kittydres, catdres, you get the idea... |
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| good night... |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|04:30 am] |
all i have to say
daniel?
lions? kenya? gosh darn skippy...and we just got the 'knock'
greg?
god dammit, this has been the funnest week of my life... and hot damn, I didn't masturbate once.... Yeah, I said it. from BET to silly string. To couches and avalon park. Everything so god damn fun... In fact, if Megan doesn't comment, this will be the perfect weekend... ever.
I so wanna move to Orlando.
Jenny?
Alright, so I don't claim to be the best at being a girl...but I have never been able to pick out my own makeup, just not my forte. Sooo.., I try to bring other people to help me. However, word to the wise...try to bring girls to help out because guys have no clue. BUT, I'm stocked up for Halloween.
btw... greg.... i dont think so.... amazing
song for the night... the starting line... greg's last day...
and...
thats it |
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| well.. |
[Mar. 15th, 2004|02:58 am] |
youll always hate when i am me,
and i will always love to be...
on a lighter note... today... was a good day.
band practice + beer afterward + everyone back in town = good night... |
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| its like... |
[Mar. 14th, 2004|02:59 am] |
its like... i already know im cute... i already know im right...
i already know i have a good heart, and i can sleep easy tonight..
its like.. the only thoughts that plague me, the only things that creep,
are the things i start to think about when i go to sleep...
its like, the only thing i need to do, with every waking breath
is move beyond the feelings that clogged inside my chest...
its like... i need to find an answer, i need to find a cure
i think i need to find these things, but all are so obscure...
its like... these hopefuls are all hopeless, and all these damned to hells,
are misconstrued; the answers are the things that i beheld...
its like... the trick to what im thinking, the trick to what is mine,
is trapped within my instinct somewhere i left far behind...
its like... salt in wounds, or forgive you - or me - or anyone you see...
is trivial because of things that all these humans say to me...
its like... another species and a life comes crashing into me outside,
and then i send myself into this crazy mixed up emotions ride...
its like... i search for all the answers when conversing with the live
....but im bad at all these shut-ups fuck you's and goodbyes...
its like... once again i find myself relying on my strength..
when deep inside i really want to lay out in the rain...
its like... id lay there and id find myself regretting not a thing...
and the live, would close their doors... and then maybe i could sing...
and all the thoughts would leave my chest and would i know this true...
that i should never be afraid to tell her "i love you"... |
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tonedefdrummer's journal